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Paying for a wedding guest....your thoughts |
luckaholic
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posted 16-3-2012 @ 02:31 AM
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www
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I am going through the same thing, except I am the bride not the guest 
Not directed at you frizzy, I am getting married this year and I am so over other peoples bitching and moaning. It is OUR day, not yours!!! If you
dont like it, dont come or get over it!!
Asking a guest to pay is just rude!! Unless there was some sort of pre-agreement that ALL guests were paying. Perhaps now that the time to pay is
looming they could be money grabbing so they dont have to pay as much?
I agree that asking to be invited is rude. One of my friends (have only known her for 1yr) said to me "oh I hope Im invited".......and it put me in
a really awkward situation as I had no intention to invite her for several reasons.
We are not asking for one cent off anyone for the wedding, honeymoon, gifts etc.
Then another family member pretty much invited herself to be one of my bridesmaids (she was my sisters) and is now pi$$ed off because I said no your
not (i already have 3).
It is our freakin day and I dont know why people have to try and change things and make it a stressful experience!!! |
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frizzy63
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posted 16-3-2012 @ 03:10 AM
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I feel for you Luckaholic....... must be tough....... I just got caught out with the paying thing......jsut wish I'd known from the
beginning......
I've found out that all their friends are paying for the reception too...... they all got invites but were told that if they wished to come they
would have to pay for the reception.... I guess I'm out of the loop. All the weddings I've been to recently have been quite different.....
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Matimdan
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posted 16-3-2012 @ 03:23 AM
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www
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I think you're right to be shocked about being asked and I think you have done the right thing all round by paying and by not involving your son. You
sound like you truly want to keep the peace. Good for you.
But I agree with your vent I think asking guests to pay for the wedding place after most probably went to the engagement party and contributed a gift
and will then be expected to contribute to the wedding gift/honeymoon fund is a little outrageous.
If they are struggling financially why have they booked such an expensive honeymoon and why did the waste money on an engagement party.
Having those things is their choice but if you live outside you means and then have to ask people to pay for things like a seat at a wedding there's
something a miss in my book.
Enjoy the day anyway knowing that you have been the peace keeper in this strange request!
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luckywins
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posted 16-3-2012 @ 05:24 AM
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www
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No wonder I'm running off to Vegas 
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kismet
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posted 16-3-2012 @ 05:29 AM
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www
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| Quote: | Originally posted by frizzy63
I feel for you Luckaholic....... must be tough....... I just got caught out with the paying thing......jsut wish I'd known from the
beginning......
I've found out that all their friends are paying for the reception too...... they all got invites but were told that if they wished to come they
would have to pay for the reception.... I guess I'm out of the loop. All the weddings I've been to recently have been quite different.....
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NO, you're not out of any loop!
I've never heard anything like this & I'm in the wedding business. Pity they all didn't say "no"! I just think that is plain unadulterated
rudeness and bad manners.
As for people asking to be bridesmaid etc words fail me luckaholic...I really don't think u need her in your life, so too bad if she's p****d off.
Her fault, not yours. Her problem, not yours.
Our daughter got married in 2004, a lot of her friends were unmarried at the time, well most, so they didn't invite any boyfriends that they had not
met or had no relationship with...ALL THE GIRLS came to the reception! If the couple is important to you then you'll go to the wedding, if they baulk
at not having some random partner not invited, then they didn't care about you in the first place, so no loss.
p.s. Everyone was paid for!!! 
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bingo1428
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posted 16-3-2012 @ 05:34 AM
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www
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Have fun in Vegas lucywins
No hassles for us, we just went to the registry office and then
to a nice pub for lunchDue to finances and family issues.
I have been to many weddings and have organised afew and
one thing I know is you can't please everyone.
Everyone is so different and I know personally I would not be asking for money. Though good on you frizzy63 for paying it.
I hope you all have a great time
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LadyLala
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posted 16-3-2012 @ 05:40 AM
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www
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| Quote: | Originally posted by luckaholic
I agree that asking to be invited is rude. One of my friends (have only known her for 1yr) said to me "oh I hope Im invited".......and it put me in
a really awkward situation as I had no intention to invite her for several reasons.
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I know how you feel. We got married overseas, and I had people saying to me "I would come along if I could afford it". Those people were not
invited to begin with, yet they seemed to think that if they could afford the trip, they would just come along with us.
My cousin did not invite my sister's husband to his wedding (although my sister was invited), because he hadn't met him before. So my sister chose
not to go either.
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Cass
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posted 16-3-2012 @ 06:04 AM
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www
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Gawd I'm so glad we did it the way we did, we invited friends and family to our engagement party and surprised them all by getting married, did the
whole thing including my dress and cake for under $1000, best wedding ever!
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BelieveBecome
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posted 16-3-2012 @ 07:37 AM
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www
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I'm glad you paid the money. It's not worth the hassle. From a brides point of view though, when I got married 15 years ago, we had a set amount of
guests and obviously wanted to invite as many friends and family that we knew as possible and that's what we did. We didnt invite the
girlfriends/boyfriends that we didnt know because that was taking away places of people we did. I was stunned at how many people called me to ask if
they could take someone. My cousin rang and asked if she could bring her 3 year old when she knew I wasnt havnt kids there. When I said no kids, no
exceptions, she questioned me on the flowergirl. I told her she was going to enter the reception for photos and was then being picked up by her
grandparents. She refused to come because her daughter wasnt invited. Another cousin asked to bring his girlfriend and I said yes and neither of them
showed up on the day. Another cousins' husband didnt show either. Frankly I was furious. I also think it's a bit rude to ask for someone to go if
not invited and I definately think that if they are nice enough to let them then it is fair enough to ask them to pay. If your son was offended by the
non-invite, then he could have declined.
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zyzzyva
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posted 16-3-2012 @ 07:53 AM
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www
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Most people are working to a set budget when they are planning a wedding. They work out the guest list to fit that budget and often have to make hard
choices about who to invite. If someone who was not invited is rude enough to ask to come, or if someone asks to bring a partner, I think it is only
fair to ask them to pay. (Mind you, I would not do that, I would say "Sorry, we have restricted numbers and we can't take everyone who would like to
come!") Leave it up to them whether they will accept the invitation on those terms.
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Sierrasun
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posted 16-3-2012 @ 08:25 AM
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www
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| Quote: | Originally posted by Cass
Gawd I'm so glad we did it the way we did, we invited friends and family to our engagement party and surprised them all by getting married, did the
whole thing including my dress and cake for under $1000, best wedding ever! |
Fantastic idea! Better to save the $$$ for your lives together and have a unique a memorable wedding.
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Beau1806
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posted 16-3-2012 @ 08:30 AM
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www
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I would pay it, and reduce their wedding present.... it's a bit cheeky.
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sandyam
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posted 16-3-2012 @ 10:22 AM
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www
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| Quote: | Originally posted by Matimdan
I think you're right to be shocked about being asked and I think you have done the right thing all round by paying and by not involving your son. You
sound like you truly want to keep the peace. Good for you.
But I agree with your vent I think asking guests to pay for the wedding place after most probably went to the engagement party and contributed a gift
and will then be expected to contribute to the wedding gift/honeymoon fund is a little outrageous.
If they are struggling financially why have they booked such an expensive honeymoon and why did the waste money on an engagement party.
Having those things is their choice but if you live outside you means and then have to ask people to pay for things like a seat at a wedding there's
something a miss in my book.
Enjoy the day anyway knowing that you have been the peace keeper in this strange request! |
Agree. If they'd already 'budgeted' for six from your family...why ask you to pay the extra when less are attending .
And, as your son has been with his girlfriend (and she's been a big part of your family for so long), she SHOULD have been invited anyway).
Alot of weddings now seem to be more hassles than celebrations and I would NEVER ask for a guest for payment...saying that I wouldn't want anyone
there we didn't know either (obviously that's not in your case!).
hmmmm.....hubby & I might pay ours the cost of the wedding to elope 
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lucky bennetts
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posted 16-3-2012 @ 10:41 AM
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www
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i must be cheap i think its a great offence to ask 'your guest' to pay for being 'your guest'
what happened to hospitality ??? who can put a value on a wedding ?
im invited to 2 family weddings this year and i won't be going if they ask me to pay for being their guest.
you get married you expect cost! it goes hand in hand.
write one back stating that since blah blah blah wont be attending isn't it possible my lovely future daughter in law whom is so looking forward to
meeting the family take their place see what she responds..
do not pay the $80 thats just tacky tacky tacky !!
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babycakequeen
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posted 16-3-2012 @ 10:55 AM
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www
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Seriously some families hold stuff against you and strange things bite you in the butt years later.
I'd just pay for the $80 and try to have a nice time. If you can already afford the airfaires and accomodation then perhaps it isnt worth stressing
about $80.
Believe me, I have no family now they have all turned on me now for a similar reason. My own mother included. Its not worth it....
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frizzy63
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posted 16-3-2012 @ 11:11 AM
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Cass what a brilliant idea.....love it.
In regards to affording the trip, ; we are paying flights, car hire, foord etc, we are paying $100 a night for accomodation; we are there on Sat for
wedding then we go home again on Sunday.....we can't afford to take much time off work so only a fleeting visit..... my son and gf are flying; and in
the grand scheme of things $80 may not be much but it is still extra money we have to pay oh well....... my son knows nothing about this and I plan to
keep it that way..... he and his gf have talked to us about getting married but they are waiting for her to finish Uni......... so they are very
serious and I know they will have a great time. Oh well, not gonna put a dampener on for them cos I know they are looking forward to it.
However, I'm a little disappointed cos I transfered the money last night and I havne't had a response from my nephew and fiance to say
thanks.......gosh am I expecting too much; I guess to me it is common courtesy......
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Babbs
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posted 16-3-2012 @ 12:31 PM
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www
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Common courtesy... not too common anymore 
Also it doesnt sound to me like its the money ie the $80 is whats bothering you its the situation
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SuzanneR
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posted 16-3-2012 @ 12:44 PM
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www
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Yes, I think that is very rude. They should understand how much you are already spending to attend their wedding - hundreds of dollars. They should
be flattered you are making this effort and not insult you by asking for the $80. I think it's mean-spirited of them to ask all their friends to pay
for their place at the reception.
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wldchk
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posted 16-3-2012 @ 12:59 PM
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www
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my cousin had a strict invite list I was lucky as I was the one of two cousins invited. I have over 27 cousins. My new partner was invited too and my
son. When I thanked her hubby he said he would never not invite my family as he wanted me to be happy too. Awwww so glad he married my cousin. My
cousins point was if she doesnt know someone well partner or not they were not coming. Lucky she knew mine well.
And my partner thinks its the rudest thing to ask for money at any function. I never have. I am having a milestone Bday this year and dont care about
gifts. I just want to be with my family and friends. Off track but thats my input x
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wldchk
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posted 16-3-2012 @ 01:00 PM
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www
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PS my partners family assume we are rich too because we are careful with our money and work hard. Not related to anything but they might not be as
rich as you think
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wldchk
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posted 16-3-2012 @ 01:04 PM
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www
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I would not buy a present as being present should be a gift, thats my opinion.
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luckaholic
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posted 16-3-2012 @ 01:06 PM
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www
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| Quote: | Originally posted by wldchk
my cousin had a strict invite list I was lucky as I was the one of two cousins invited. I have over 27 cousins. My new partner was invited too and my
son. When I thanked her hubby he said he would never not invite my family as he wanted me to be happy too. Awwww so glad he married my cousin. My
cousins point was if she doesnt know someone well partner or not they were not coming. Lucky she knew mine well.
And my partner thinks its the rudest thing to ask for money at any function. I never have. I am having a milestone Bday this year and dont care about
gifts. I just want to be with my family and friends. Off track but thats my input x |
We are the same, only inviting people we know well and want there. I have a huge family though so had to draw the line somewhere. My fiances cousins
arent invited as we were invited to their wedding at the last minute by his grandma, but not allowed to go to the reception due to cost  We took great pleasure in NOT going.
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frizzy63
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posted 16-3-2012 @ 08:17 PM
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www
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| Quote: | Originally posted by wldchk
PS my partners family assume we are rich too because we are careful with our money and work hard. Not related to anything but they might not be as
rich as you think |
I guess my answer to that is they should live within their means (to my family that is).......
And the interesting thing here is that my family of 6 are the only family on the nephews side that he has plus both my parents.........there are no
cousins, or other aunts etc and noone is alive on his mums side of the family so it isn't even like it is a huge family to choose from. btw, got a
very short little note to say they got the money.
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calliope
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posted 16-3-2012 @ 10:49 PM
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www
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How awkward and unpleasant.....
Under these circumstances....if I were you, I would RSVP for the initial amount of people who were invited (6?) and then later, change it to the 4 now
going!
Surely they still wouldn't ask for the $80 if this was to happen this way?
Good luck.
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frizzy63
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posted 17-3-2012 @ 12:34 AM
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www
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Yeah but imagine the unpleasantness threefold........ this isn't the first strange thing that has happened with my family regarding money over the
years....... but this one really hit home....and just made me feel reallly sad.
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