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Paying for a wedding guest....your thoughts |
parker_street_mum
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posted 17-3-2012 @ 01:24 AM
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I know it's a wedding so different rules apply but I've had dinners before at sporting events and work dinners where my seat is paid for but if I
want to bring a partner then I have to pay for them.
You have three options - pay the money and whinge and cause a family rift; pay the money and forget about it completely and enjoy the event; or not
let the partner come and probably cause a family wedge forever.
We eloped - weddings seemed far too complicated and stressful for me! |
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zyzzyva
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posted 17-3-2012 @ 01:32 AM
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Interesting..the bride also has three options: agree to uninvited guests and break the wedding budget; agree to uninvited guests and ask them to pay;
say no to uninvited guests.
Whatever choice she makes someone is going to be unhappy!
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compcaz37
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posted 17-3-2012 @ 01:42 AM
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| Quote: | Originally posted by lucywins
No wonder I'm running off to Vegas  |
I did that! Highly recommended :-) We could invite EVERYONE so no one was offended, and only close friends and family came (which was what we wanted!)
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tuggybobo
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posted 17-3-2012 @ 01:54 AM
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did the wedding couple ask you to pay for all of you originally...or just now?
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born2comp
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posted 17-3-2012 @ 03:23 PM
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I can see both sides from bridal couple and your family Frizzy.Your family of 6 plus your parents are the only family of the nephew. Yet they were
prepared to pay for your family of 6 to come.However friends of couple are having to pay the $80 a head to go. So from hearing that maybe bride and
groom decided 'ok we happy to pay for family to be there' Then when told 2 of your family not coming yet could son 's gf come. They maybe agreed gf
not family and if we pay for his gf we hardly known or never met. Our friends could get offended and upset so we will say gf must pay.Perhaps they
thought that is only fair to their friends. Maybe they thought gf wouldnt come if said pay $80.
Also maybe nephew was bit upset that your family of 6 can't all come to the wedding. As they would be his only cousins,yet 2 can't come.
Yet perhaps in their view those cousins can't come to help celebrate their
special day'.I realise your other kids may have study, part time work, sport that weekend. With 7 months notice of wedding, just maybe they were
hoping you all could come as a family share in their wedding. Would made plans to swap shifts for work etc. Unless the relationship between the
cousins is one that is not a close one.
If I was the bride i would not asked for money from gf as all of your family going. I would seen it as ok and happy gf wants
to come.You paid the money and just enjoy the $80 isn't worth worrying about in the bigger picture. Far better to not cause any trouble. Our family
we didn't see our cousins for over 5 years due to my father said something that his sister was offended. Just a one sentence caused big 'come on
kids we going 'and i recall our cousins just arrived at our place and my aunt didn't allow any contact fot all those years.looking back it was so
petty. People have their own views,make choices, and yes they may differ from ours.That is what makes us individuals.Life is too short.I tend to ask
myself ok fast forward life ahead 20years 'will this issue matter then?'. Just think you may win really great prize that will well and truly
compensate you for your expenses to get to this wedding. Hope you all have a great time at wedding.. Anyway just my 10c worth.
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ja9
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posted 18-3-2012 @ 05:49 AM
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Just be thankful you have been invited and enjoy the day. Wedding cost a huge bucket and if the parents are not helping with the costs then I can see
why they have asked their friends to pay. Our daughter got married friday and it cost over 20g to put it on. It was $140.00 p/h plus the dress, cake,
flowers,chapel, band and photographer. Her dress was $5000.0 here so we flew to Phuket and had it made for her which cost $700.00 so we saved and had
a holiday by doing that. i would put some pics up if I knew how to do it on here. Just go enjoy the day and feel glad that you can share their day and
forget about all the other things. Its their day.
Cheers
Janine
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absoluteDann
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posted 18-3-2012 @ 06:05 AM
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It obviously would have been more politic to have said from the beginning when you asked if the partner could come if you or she would mind paying,
however I don't think it is too bad, since you tried to invite her yourself anyway. Nothing I would really concern myself over, but perhaps I have
just become so saturated by my own wealth now that I have been earning a wage since 2009 that I can no longer relate to those who need to budget.
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frizzy63
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posted 18-3-2012 @ 06:23 AM
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Hi just to clear a few things up. We never actually asked if the gf could come....we asked was she included and this would have been the time to say
no she isn't which we would have accepted.......my son probably wouldn't have gone but thats life.....but the answer we got was oh yes, thats fine.
No mention of cost. And the correspondence we've been having about the wedding etc has always included her.
and my 20 year old son (the one not coming to the wedding) decided right from the beginning that he wouldn't go as he was starting Uni and a new job
this year and he didn't know what it would entail so rather than lead them on he declined right at the beginning......... my youngest son who is 13
and is not coming decided not to come 2 months ago....way before the rsvp was due.... as he doesn't know this cousin due to distance and age.......my
other kids know them well. So I don't feel like i"ve put them on the spot by late notice of people not coming....
Anyway, we are going to go and not mention anything and I hope we have a good time.........
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enchantedspirit
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posted 18-3-2012 @ 06:23 AM
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in life you quite often have to do things, makes allowances etc for the sake of an event, person or circumstance, that may not be to your liking, so I
go with the flow its one small piece of time in your journey.
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gromit
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posted 18-3-2012 @ 06:32 AM
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I think they are rude as your son's gf is family! Anyway, enjoy the day, and make sure you give just a "little bit less" in the gift department!
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stillsane13
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posted 18-3-2012 @ 06:33 AM
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Just think of it this way... You are paying for the potential daughter in law to have a fun day out at a family wedding. I am sure she is worth every
cent.
Family squabbles are not worth it. Stay out of politics and enjoy.
I would never ask anyone for money but can respect others choices that do BUt it would have been nice to be told UPFRONT.
Have fun x
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absoluteDann
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posted 18-3-2012 @ 06:44 AM
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If I were in that situation I would pay and ensure I ate and drank enough to cover the $80.
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frizzy63
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posted 18-3-2012 @ 06:52 AM
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| Quote: | Originally posted by absoluteDann
If I were in that situation I would pay and ensure I ate and drank enough to cover the $80. |
Don't worry we will...although I have heard that when we arrive at the reception after the 5 hour gap between ceremony and reception there will be
drinks and canapes..........FOR PURCHASE!!!!!! So we are still paying for things.........ugh!!!!!!!
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Prosperity
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posted 18-3-2012 @ 07:02 AM
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| Quote: | Originally posted by frizzy63
| Quote: | Originally posted by absoluteDann
If I were in that situation I would pay and ensure I ate and drank enough to cover the $80. |
Don't worry we will...although I have heard that when we arrive at the reception after the 5 hour gap between ceremony and reception there will be
drinks and canapes..........FOR PURCHASE!!!!!! So we are still paying for things.........ugh!!!!!!! |
Omg a FIVE hour gap, sorry I'd just go home, especially if I had to start paying for things. What are you expected to do for 5 hours??????
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ja9
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posted 18-3-2012 @ 07:02 AM
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Yes drinks and canapes were extra at my daughters wedding too, we just put a tab on the bar and when it was reached they asked us if we wanted to go
over or not, we let it go but it was only a couple of hundred extra thankgod. There are many extra costs that are hidden away.
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gromit
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posted 18-3-2012 @ 07:02 AM
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I was about to go "hear hear" to absoluteDann - looks like you'll be doing "handbag snacks" for 5 hours - just get your fill at the reception!
All families have similar situations - I had a newborn, and had a visit from sister-in-law-to-be to be told "the baby" wasn't to be anywhere near
the wedding .... my brother called it all off! I'm sure it was the straw that broke the camel's back, rather than the issue.
At least yours hasn't ended in such circumstances, enjoy it, enjoy your future daughter-in-law's company, and laugh about it all in the future!
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Cheshire_Cat
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posted 18-3-2012 @ 07:06 AM
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weddings are so hard....always someone gets their nose out of joint about something....I wanted to elope (so did hubby) but our parents basically hmmm
made us reconsider and a have a wedding. I said ok, but you are paying for it and it has to be a small one. I can imagine it being very hard on the
couple if they have to fork out for everyone....? are their parents paying for it or do they have to? If they do, I can totally sympathise with why
they are asking people who are not family members for help with the costs.
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Matimdan
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posted 18-3-2012 @ 08:37 AM
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Make sure you sneak in doggy bags so you really get your moneys worth!! And while your at it steal a few table decorations!!! That'll teach 'em.
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Jac18
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posted 18-3-2012 @ 09:03 AM
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I think it is very bad manners, but like you I would quietly pay the $80 for the sake of peace and harmony. Your sons girlfriend definately deserved
an invitation after 5 years. I would also reduce the wedding gift on principle.
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pinkyeeyore
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posted 18-3-2012 @ 09:15 AM
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Yep we went to a wedding that had a gap like that in between and had to pay for our own drinks and food while the bride and groom went and had photos
and cut the cake without the guests (go figure) But these are the same people that did not open their gifts in front of the guests they did it the
next day at home for both the wedding and engagement. (Very strange) They had a list for gifts like washing machine, dryer, vacuum, fridge and things
like that (no small gifts on the list) and a wishing well that they wanted people to put into as well on top of the presents. They had the reception
right out in the country where no one lived anywhere near. All I can say is weddings have become very strange now days and far too expensive. You
could put a deposit on a house for the amount they spend on weddings. I spend 300 dollars on my first wedding to my now husband not a hope in hell I
would spend what they pay now days. I know it is a special day but come on I thought my day was very special and spent nowhere near what they do now
days.
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born2comp
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posted 18-3-2012 @ 09:52 AM
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We have been to a few weddings where there has been few hours in between ceremony and reception.Which I thought was crazy to have such time gap.One
was 4 hours for a friends wedding, we went to my parents place nearby after ceremony.My grandfather had decided to drop by( I hadn't seen him for a
few months) so we got to see and talk to him for about 2 hours.My grandfather died suddenly 12 days later, and that day of wedding was the last time I
ever saw him.So I was grateful for that gap before reception.
I realise that you will be interstate for the wedding.You never know maybe the time between.You may have some special time with your kids, hubby and
son's gf conversations and laughs that you will treasure for years to come.Maybe the future Daughter in law will say of her dream wedding.
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lucymorgan
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posted 18-3-2012 @ 10:55 AM
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Oh - what a shame that weddings cause such discontent, opinions, judgements and pressure. How sad when the people attending are secretly annoyed and
upset or the bride and groom are stressed by or oblivious to the budget vs guest issues.
There seems to be so many expectations from so many people with different approaches, views and opinions at todays weddings. In the old days it was
probably easier - the etiquette queens would have told us all what was acceptable and what was not! And asking for money would not have been acceptable.
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Babbs
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posted 18-3-2012 @ 11:16 AM
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Hmm a thought... lots of people on lottos im sure their would be members near by, perhaps you could meet a member for coffee & a chat in between
??? 5 hours is a long time to kill..
I got married in a courthouse, the thought of everyone's eyes on my for a wedding terrified me LOL personally I would never want my wedding to be a
financial burden on anyone... I missed my brothers wedding as it was interstate and it just wasnt plausible... Either way after all this hopefully you
will have a good time, stock up on hotel soaps and shampoos if nothing else LOL
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frizzy63
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posted 19-3-2012 @ 09:09 AM
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We will make sure we have a good time..... my parents are good value and will be there as is my son and his gf and it will be nice to spend time with
hubby and daughter with nothing to interrupt us..... I guess I hate spending money unnecessarily but we will go with a good attitude..... and try and
forget about the money.
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heydj81
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posted 19-3-2012 @ 09:34 AM
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I'd pay it but then give them a prize you'd won for a wedding present
If they can't afford to have a big reception then they shouldn't be having one!
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