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Crisis at Lottos.com.au

posted 2-9-2004 @ 04:27 PM www
Crisis at Lottos.com.au

So I said to Nelke, "listen sweetheart, I never win a thing." "Don't be so moody," she chided. "Pass the spongebob, he's crying." "I've turned into a chokoholic," I said, just to get bar codes." "I'm not a motherduck," she replied. "You're making me dizzy." "It's starting to psych me out," I wailed, "I just want some peaceangel." Then in walks Andrew with his ma. "redhot," he yells. "I don't think he's very happymummy." "Calm down and have a timtam," he says. " I'll have one," says nennerb," walking in. "He's fat and on drugs," she shouted, pointing at me. " You need to go to the gymjunkie." I was flabbergasted, I made a beeline for the door. "They certainly take the mickeydownunder," I growled. There was a catholic picture on the wall, another example of tyecart! The sun was flooding in as I stumbled over a kittykat. Outside I ducked as a Lorikeet flashed overhead like an angelinbound. The suns rays lit up my face, I felt like a real goldengoose. My mind was in a turmoil, uncertainty was spreading like wildfire. I needed to win prizesgalore otherwise I might turn into a real dark enigma. What to do? Maybe a holiday on the swanriver, but that turns me into a fat pumpkin99 times out of a hundred. Right then I saw Robert Di pierdimnico. "heidip," I yelled. He held up a pinky. "Listen buddybee a pal and leave me alone," he said, " I've got to see jen38 kilometres away and josie92 minutes later." Big lizard, I mumbled under my breath, maybe I'll go to Paris like Twitch suggested, yeah, groovytwitch. I might cfay before I go, she's a real compergirl, just dyed her hair brunette. I like a reded. On second thoughts, she's probably at the hospital visiting marghambly. I hope they don't bring rem in to see her, he's a real rembrat. I could see mel18 blocks from here, ricky2 but he's probably at the pub playing pool. He's a real sharkie on the tables. I think I'll visit littlemisslauren instead, what a chassis. We could jump into the JACuzzi and eat pie.I hope she's not in the mood for an argument, she can be fiery wenchy gets in the mood. jasall I need after a day like this. Perhaps I'll go to the beach with melmac donald, he loves to perv on the odd white pointer. Wait on, he said he's taking his threelittlepigs to the vet. Bummer, parps I'll go home instead and have a sezzame roll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :sing: :sing: :sing: :sing: :sing: :sing: :sing: :sing: :sing: :sing: :sing: :sing: :sing: :sing:

Crisis at Lottos.com.au (PART TWO)

So there we were at the comper's convention, tabitha, nicolejane, pollylou and I. I'd rung gazza33 times before I left, but no reply. He might have gone out to buy some aural B. I bet he had a shandy12-3 even, he's a bit of a grinner when he's had a few. Anyway the convention was great, linrose to the occasion and had a few pinklady's before sticking to pepsi. mellyhammed it up a bit, but that's her style, she left early though, took off like a roadrunner. She doesn't brooke any criticism, what a lulu!! I told petrie46 times to stop groping the girls. He just winked and said lisammmmm, what a good sort. I said yeah, but who'd have guessed that lisa's 76, she looks much younger. He said yeah, I tried to kiss mel18 times but no luck. Somebody called "hi guys," we turned around, it was aprilbell all dolled up like a wizardessss with a big saphire on her finger. It was really vivid. Just then denny walked over and put his arm around her. "You look like a real rychbytch," he said. She smiled, " mean
dmum have won a trip to Hawaii next month," she said, "susanmunday's coming too." "I hope they have plenty of cotts," said denny, "with all the kids and all." "Petalsmum's looking after them," said aprilbell. Just then they announced that the grand prize had been won by bimberoony. "winnersrgrinners," I said, she's been in and out of dette34 times, good on her, she nellee gave it all away last week." "abi blowed', said merlincat, lucks a fortune." "Ok guys, I said, " I've had enough for one day, I think I'll go visit kitten1478 the High Street, I hope we don't have a tiffo no I couldn't stand that. I wandered into a bottle shop and picked up a nice little Barossa shiraz, luscious1978 was a good year!! I wanted to buy some cold meat in the deli but they only had smellyham so I didn't bother. I saw bas running towards me. "Listen mate", he said, tell me Jaspers in Canada, I just entered a contest." "Sorry basjasper's in Alaska," I said, toodleoo."


Crisis at Lottos.com.au (Part Three)

I'd been working too hard at my shop, bizxcess you might say. Anyway ernie comes round looking the worse for wear, his clothes were really fredbear!! "Have you heard the latest," he says, people have been rowing sheds down the river in a dangerous manner, yeah, the water police have busted garagesalers5 times. bigdave told me, he was down the pub with ernie." I shook my head, "next you'll be telling me they were after marlinfish." Ernie laughed, he had a twinkle in his eye. "Must be going," he said, "I promised tamra I'd have a smalltee with her, what a skinnyminny. I bet rapunzel will be there, the cheekyangel." After he left, I thought I'd take a walk through the shooping centre with my sunnies on, sort of anonymous. A kid was walking towards me with a budgie. "Do you like my blue hen, mister?" she asked. "Actually it's purplegrrl," I replied. She looked me up and down like I was some sort of hillbilly. "Okeydokey sunshine," she snorted. "Listen angelskies getting dark and It's quite miste," I said, "if we have a storm you'll have no dfenz against lightning, lamme carry your cage." "Where do you live," I asked, "I hope we don't have to gopher62 blocks." "elmo!" she exclaimed, " I live round the corner." She knocked on the door of a big house and a lady opened it. She had a green wig on and was holding a pompom, looked like a real airhairlair. "Where've you been missymoo?" she asked the girl crossly, "you're turning into a real gypsy." She smiled at me. "Sorry about that," she said, "I've been out searching for milly3 times, she drives me kooka. Why don't you come in, my name's kaylacool day isn't it?" Just then a big ridgeback charged down the hall towards me, what a zoomer. A man shouted at it, "my name's ssrattus," he hissed, "just ignore it, it's got noriegard for strangers." "Come in and have a beer, there's a toilet through there if shanita go." I nodded, I'd been trying to hang on but I was no superman. There was a poster for cirque de soleil on the wall, it was years old saphire's1 knew. I flopped herbie out and sighed with relief, 44 seconds later, I finished. Boy it felt like I'd been passing oliveoyl. Then I noticed a picture of Marilyn Monroe, what a blueyedgoddess. I walked into the lounge room and hissy handed me a beer. "By the way, my real name's louie," he said, shaking hands. I nodded. "They call me the professor," I sai
d. "What do you think of this auzzieade?" he asked. "Gloomyliu over there doesn't like it," he continued, pointing at kayla, she had mystique32 years ago but the old girl's lost it now." " Don't be so tough on her," I said, " I was talking to daisyaday ago, she gave it up last year and she's feeling much better for it, mind you she's 105 and she's had tarcoma three times." I got up to leave, "cheers for the beer," I said, "I'd better go home to candice, tyjay and rachkel, she's gogirlssister by the way." I walked out into the fresh air, "zazu!" what a beautiful evening, I thought. I might have a quick one at the MGM on the way home. It's friday. Kayja, KatrinaP and maisie will be behind the bar and they have allthatjazz on!!!!!


Crisis at Lottos.com.au (part 4)

I was driving my Scarlet portiaa down the Gold Coast highway when I saw this good sort carrying an animal transporter. She was thumbing a lift so I pulled over and opened the door. She climbed in, put the cage on the back seat and pulled out a long haired persian. "My name's tabitha," she said, "I hope you don't mind my hairy pussy?" " Are you kidding?" I said, winking at her. She stroked The leather upholstery. "I love a big red excitement machine," she purred, "I'd love to rummage under your bonnet and play with your speed shifter." " Pleeeeze," I replied, "you hardly gnomey, munchkin." I tried to holdinbreath, she looked like sabrina but was a bit of a princessfluffybum if my nose was correct. I didn't see the catbat an eyelid, it was probably dayjarvu for him. I drove along the beach under a ravensky. A young girl was hitch hiking with a board under her arm. I pulled over and she jumped in. "G'day," she said, "I'm roxysurferchick if you hadn't guessed, on my way to a carnival, I'm born2comp but the sea's been flat for dais." "Peachy," said tabitha, kimmy a look at your tatoos, you've got a pirate, a banana, a griffin and marg marg, that's an odd one." "Yeah," said roxy, the tatooist stuttered. That was a clothescall. He looked like inspectormorse with a hair nett. He was a real strutter, poured me a wiskey and tried to show me his baberuth with scrypton and a brighteye. I kicked him in the nols and hit him with a clipboard58 times." I said, "bcreative, I'm no cosmichicken, you're a very fugly guy." "Wow!" said tabitha, "you need a companion." "Yeah, matsmum told me the same thing," replied roxy. "I should be so luckygoddess. The last guy's name was dudley but I called him mitt, he was a real mastermind, he called me madgurl to annoy me." "I finally had enough and said, listen fairyfloss your teeth somewhere else." "Fine," he snorts, "but you'll mizzmitt." "Oh tiffoff," I shouted. I was sorry later, he could be a nice guy winnie wanted to be."
By this time I was pulling into Surfers. I could see willow waiting in front of the Seascape for me. As I pulled into the kerb, a magpie bombed her. "That's a shame I yelled out, "you've got poop on your titwillow.""shaz a fact," she said, bekhardcastle said you selcam miss anything, Who are the two gussies in the back? you'll catch vdp if you're not careful." " If you think I'm going to play another cameo role like claire1976, you're sadly mistaken."


Crisis at Lottos.com.au (part five)

"Listen swetheart," I said, sipping a wiskey and chewing on a timtam. "I'm worried
that my writing is too risque." "Lamme see, furball," she replied, grabbing a pepsi and scrolling down the screen. I could hear her holdinbreath for a few seconds. "Are you off your nellee," she screeched, "jasall I need, this is one fugly piece of writing. "Great griffin! they'll think your some sort of sex psycho the disgrace. What a mastermind, you'll be lucky if the R.S.P.P.J doesn't come after you." "Oh! who are they," I enquired. "The royal society for the prevention of pussy jokes." she answered grimly. "If you'd asked me I would have given you the white pointers to avoid embarrassment." "Sorry kitten1478 different things were going through my mind like wildfire," I sobbed, "your advice would have been andy." "3littlepigs behinds," she snorted. "You're a moody lizard, maxiboy, you were quite the grapeape breefore I met you and you've done it a kaine. You're turning me into a chokoholic, sitting on my tooty eating kittykatts." "But goddess, I whined, "I was trying to bcreative, you gnomey, coldhandswarmheart. I was born2comp. I'm no superman, wizardess, abi lost wihout you." "SHSSSSS banana," she purred, "come to motherduck and rest your reded on my spongebobs, It's all my fault. I made some silly remarks andrew a sharp response. You'll always a buddybee, gypsy. Get the oliveoyl and we can play wild stallion, grinner. You can gopher62 minutes if you like. "Only if you dress like rapunzel," I retorted with a wink. I shook my head in admiration. What a madgurl, I thought making a beeline for the bedroom. Just as well I didn't marry hotlips or topazz the groper back in 1968, she was a real cosmicchicken.
I threw open the bedroom door, peachy, I thought, ruth was waiting for me in her paris nickers. I felt dizzy, I hoped herbie was up for it. I'd been a rider23320 times and she still had mystique32 years later. What a woman.

Crisis at Lottos.com.au (part six) David and Goliath.

And so it came to pass that in Bethlehem, a few clicks south of Jerusalem, there lived the family of Jesse. Eight sons of dubious origin. The sun rises on a typical morning. Jesse lights up and has a quick scratch, there is a sprawl of bodies on the floor. "Get up you hairy homer's," she screams, "what a bunch of furballs, you've all been on the piss again, haven't you? jasall I need, and where's bloodnut, the reded? in the tooty playing pipefly I suppose." She aims a wild kick at the nearest body. Dudley sits up and stretches. "Easy," he yawns, "who's ruffled your petalsmumI just had a few in the tavern with andrew, cliffi, tommo, peterT, timboli, and pinky, he stuck to pepsi though. As for Davo, he's up in the hills on grass prodding the sheep." That bloody kiwi father of his," snarls Jessie, "I knew the deadbeat's genes would ruin the boy. He was backpacking through the area 18 years ago, told me he used to fish for whitepointers off the bay of islands. I was no monalisa or sabrina but he said he'd take me to paris so I let him stay the night, then abracadabra, his hotlips were running all over my body, the allycat. And when bigdave appeared and made a beeline for mickeydownunder, I got redhot and dizzy. Before long I was a not so happymummy."
At that very moment, the Israelites are facing the Phillistines on either side of a gorge. David walks into king Sauls tent just as Goliath makes his 40th challenge to meet the Israelites best man in combat to settle the war. Goliath is a giant over 9 feet tall. "Kimmy a crack at him, says Dave, I'll fix that moody psych aural give the game away." "You cotts to be joking lizard" laughs the king, shanita grow bigger
before you tackle a fugly great hillbilly like that." "Nah," laughs Dave, "he's a pussy, that grapeape's all mouth and no loincloth, I can beat that munchkin 7 dais of the week." "Ok," groans Saul, I'll give you a shot, superman, none of the other missymoo's will be in it." So Dave rolls some grinner weed, lights up and strolls over to see Goliath. "How are they hanging dude," he says with a wink, "parps you'd better split, bettyboop, before I cut off your spongebobs and turn you into princess fluffybum." Goliath charges with a roar of anger. "Was it something I said," mutters Dave, putting a rock into his slingshot. He whirls it around his head and lets fly. It misses Goliath by ten metres, ricochets off a boulder and hits him square in the nols. As Dave sinks slowly to the sand, groaning in agony, Goliath erupts in spasms of laughter, his whole body is shaking uncotrollably and tears stream down his face. Blinded, he staggers to the edge of the gorge, falls over still laughing hysterically and is killed instantly. The Phillistines run off in panic leaving the Israelites triumphant. King Saul rushes to numbnuts. "My boy," he gushes,"I'll give you prizesgalore, nelke, nicolejane, maisie, 40 of my finest virgins as a gift for your bravery." "Cheers, your dudeship," replies Dave, "but if it's all the same to you, a flock of pretty sheep would be nice."
posted 2-9-2004 @ 04:29 PM www


lmfao very clever
posted 2-9-2004 @ 04:30 PM www


very, very clever professor:D
very impressive:)
posted 2-9-2004 @ 04:31 PM www


Omigod that was brilliant!
Well done and thanks :)
posted 2-9-2004 @ 04:43 PM www


That's really good!! So clever!!!!

Well done!
posted 2-9-2004 @ 04:45 PM www


Thats brilliant :lol: :lol:
posted 2-9-2004 @ 04:46 PM www


Nice one.:D:D
posted 2-9-2004 @ 04:52 PM www


Thats brilliant X2 :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


:D:D:P:D:D

but i think it was more than 25 words lol
posted 2-9-2004 @ 04:56 PM www


Now we all know who professor is...Austen Tayshus!

That was so cool, professor! Very talented!

:D:D:D
posted 2-9-2004 @ 05:01 PM www


:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
posted 2-9-2004 @ 05:04 PM www


OMG:o You are soooo talented. Well done. Excellent job.:D:D:D:D
posted 2-9-2004 @ 05:05 PM www


like TimTam said, very Austen Tayshus!


Well done and thanks!




CompTracker, first ever competitions tracking system!
posted 2-9-2004 @ 05:06 PM www


Quote:
Originally posted by professor

*snip*

I hope they don't bring rem in to see her, he's a real rembrat.

*snip*



But, but.... but I'm a girl!

LMAO that was very well done professor :D
You're a very talented wordsmith!
posted 2-9-2004 @ 05:24 PM www


Simply brilliant professor!

I must admit though I love anything that involves me!

posted 2-9-2004 @ 05:26 PM www


Very clever Prof. :D:D:D
posted 2-9-2004 @ 05:26 PM www


HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!! and Very Clever!!!

Thanks for the entertainment!

although I am still wondering about my Catholic picture? LOL;)
posted 2-9-2004 @ 05:39 PM www


I thought the line "There was a catholic picture on the wall, another example of tyecart!" was very funny! :lol:
posted 2-9-2004 @ 05:41 PM www


Tyecart........Your always parading around with that 'holier than thou' attitude!!!!




:D
posted 2-9-2004 @ 05:42 PM www


Oh My that is so brilliant Professor, I haven't laughed so much in ages :-)

Thank you so much for that :D:D:D
posted 2-9-2004 @ 05:49 PM www


:o :wow: :lol: :sing:
posted 2-9-2004 @ 05:58 PM www
VERY clever!!!!

Thanks for sharing and spending the time to put together a story about Lottoland!
posted 2-9-2004 @ 06:17 PM www


What a Hoot!! Thanks for the laugh Professor!

I'll be the first to put up my hand and admit that as I was reading it I was secretly hoping to score a mention!! Makes me feel very important!! :pig: :pig: :pig:






posted 2-9-2004 @ 06:28 PM www


My pleasure folks. I love playing with words. You're all a great bunch and I thoroughly enjoy participating in our happy site. To tyecart, catholics are know as 'tykes,' so the reference means tyke art, or catholic art. I included as many names as reasonable space allowed. ;);););)
posted 2-9-2004 @ 06:41 PM www


Ok well you are forgiven Professor cuz I was hoping I would make a mention but.........maybe next time huh? LOL
posted 2-9-2004 @ 07:06 PM www


Lol very clever and thank-you
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